HAT former prime minister Pakalitha Mosisili is a terrible dancer has never been a secret.
Only Scrutator’s sister who is the former gender minister is worse than Mosisili on the dance floor.
Scrutator however admires that although the man has zero dancing talent he makes up for that handicap with enthusiasm.
At the Democratic Congress (DC)’s leadership conference in Hlotse on Sunday it was clear that Mosisili had not bothered to use the free time he has had since May 26 to polish his dancing skills.
He is still as bad a dancer as he was when he was in power.
The man from Qacha is stiff but he didn’t let that spoil his fun.
So there he was swerving left and right, back and forth, with a wide grin.
The only reason his moves didn’t look so atrocious was that Mahaletere, an equally awful dancer, was labouring along on his side.
Scrutator’s verdict was that Mosisili just can’t dance and Mahaletere loves opera too much to dance to any other music.
But although Mosisili is not a talented dancer he sure knows how to make his mouth dance.
In Hlotse his mouth danced elegantly.
The mouth admitted its owner’s mistakes and poor judgment.
The splitting of the LCD was a costly mistake, the mouth said.
“The May 26 election results are a true testimony that we stabbed ourselves in the back as the congress movement by splitting.
We ate our stomachs off like a wild rat.”
It was clear those words were being uttered by a mouth whose owner has been humbled by defeat, mellowed by exit from power and taught by past mistakes.
But Mosisili’s mouth doesn’t only dance properly, it also dances around the truth.
In Hlotse it spoke half-truths and avoided speaking the truth about the real cause of the LCD split.
et’s start with the half truths.
“The mighty LCD has fallen,” the mouth said. That was so rich coming from the mouth of a person who has added the word “former” to his title.
A leader of a party of backbenchers was calling a party in a coalition government a spent force.
Talk about self-delusion and bitterness.
The LCD is back in government and the DC is out of it. It is the DC and Mosisili who have fallen with a thud.
The LCD has fewer seats but it’s still part of a coalition running the government. Remember, too, that the LCD had been pushed into opposition after the DC stole power in February.
Which one has fallen, a party that stole power and was kicked out by voters or a party whose power was stolen and then partially reinstated by voters?
Mosisili said the DC was a democratic party but he deliberately forgot to mention that he himself is not democratically elected as the party’s leader.
Neither he nor his deputy and executive committee members owe their positions to popular vote.
Positions were parcelled out according to who was more instrumental in the destruction of the LCD and the formation of the DC.
The truth is that the DC is still an undemocratic party run by people who elected themselves.
Mosisili said the LCD split because some of its members allowed success to get to their heads. Senior LCD members refused to accept the truth, he said. What lies!
The LCD split because Mosisili wanted to impose his own successor.
He so badly wanted Mahaletere to be his successor that he was willing to circumvent the democratic processes in the LCD.
The executive committee just would not agree to such an undemocratic act.
They knew that Mosisili wanted to do to Mahaletere what Mokhehle had done to him: anoint.
When the executive committee resisted his move, Mosisili and his anointed one decided to pack and go.
Some political nonentities just tagged along because they knew that without Mosisili they were finished.
This is the fact that Mosisili’s mouth avoided saying in Hlotse.
It is clear as a goat’s behind that even in the DC the real leader is Mahaletere and not Mosisili.
It is also clear that had it not been for Mahaletere’s influence Mosisili would not have left the LCD.
till on Mosisili, Scrutator is of the strong view that the transition from the DC to the coalition government was not properly handled.
You see, the coalition forgot that it was pushing out a man who had been in power for 15 years.
Tommy’s government just came in, started running things and forgot Mosisili’s plight.
What should have happened is that after losing power Mosisili must have been sent for government-funded counselling sessions. He should have been counselled on how to deal with the grief of losing power and its privileges.
Because this was not done, Mosisili started throwing tantrums soon after his exit. He couldn’t handle life after office.
He was having a tough time adjusting to a life away from State House.
The government’s reaction was to ban him from the state media.
That was wrong because the man needed to be counselled not banned.
Look at the poor man now.
His achievement to date has only been to embarrass himself with vim.
The new government should also have sent DC supporters for counselling.
Those people were so sure that they were going to be in government after May 26. Some started seeing themselves in top government offices and embassies. Others borrowed heavily because they had been promised jobs.
Some thought they were going to have government tenders until they puke.
When those dreams went up in smoke on May 26 most DC supporters became depressed.
They are still depressed. Have you noticed how most DC supporters have retreated into themselves lately?
They are mourning. They are stressed. They urgently need help.
here is an indecent haste by elements within the new ruling class to line up their buddies, children and friends for diplomatic postings overseas.
This is regardless of whether these children and friends have the requisite qualifications for such assignments.
But Scrutator is not surprised by such manoeuvres.
This is symptomatic of that big African disease when those afflicted think it is their turn to eat.
Even those who had seemed politically dead and buried are being resuscitated, for plum posts in government.
There now seems to be a deliberate, conscious policy of jobs-for-the-boys within the civil service.
Scrutator had hoped that the coalition government would devote more time and attention to reversing some of the mistakes of the ancien regime led by Pakalitha Mosisili. Instead, it seems to be extending them.
Four months after the coalition government walked into power with grand promises to effect dramatic changes within 90 days, that old dictum that says, the more things change, the more they stay the same, is proving true.
Expect more gnashing of teeth within the civil service as the purge begins in earnest.
crutator has always wondered why work at most government offices slows down after lunch.
For years, out of ignorance, she has blamed it on fatigue and low pay.
Today she would like to admit she was wrong.
Blame it on pap.
People are having mountains of pap for lunch.
Now, anyone who has had pap for lunch will tell you that it makes you want to doze off.
It’s not by default that pap is normally eaten at dinner, a few hours before bed.
Our ancestors knew that pap is like a tranquiliser.
Pap makes people sleepy and sleepy people don’t work fast.
Scrutator is tempted to believe that pap is also one of the many reasons why most countries in southern Africa are doing so badly.
Look at Zimbabwe, Zambia, Swaziland, Mozambique, Botswana, South Africa, Lesotho and Malawi.
They all have one thing in common – pap.
Do I hear someone saying South Africans have pap but their economy is doing well? Well, that’s because companies there are still run by whites who don’t eat pap.
If you want to see the effect of pap look at how badly the South Africa government which is run by blacks who eat mountains of pap is doing.
Did someone mention that Botswana’s economy is flourishing even when its people eat pap?
Well, that’s probably because the Tswanas like to have more meat than pap.
So why is Malawi so poor when its people also eat a lot of cassava?
Quite simply, cassava induces more sleep than pap.
So there you have it, Scrutator has unwittingly suggested a research topic to the nutrition department at the National University of Laziness (NUL).
Kekekeke, let the research on the effects of pap on national productivity begin!
crutator has been having nightmares over the past three days.
They started after her unfortunate encounter at the Pioneer Mall.
in the lift she bumped into a woman whose face looked like it had been smeared with paint.
For a moment Scrutator thought those construction guys who never seem to finish their project had poured paint on her.
Then on closer look she realised it was just make-up scruffily applied.
It was terrible.
At first Scrutator laughed then when her conscience kicked in she felt pity for the poor woman.
Here was a woman who really wanted to look good but did not know how to use the things that make her look good or had used a wrong product.
That, apparently, is the crisis many African women are facing as they try to catch up with the rest of the world.
They clamour for beauty products they can’t afford or use properly.
If its makeup they go for the fongkong. If its braids they get the cheapest and the worst quality.
If its designer bags they go for fake ones. And there are those old-fashioned scary things called wigs. Eish!
In the end my sisters just look pathetic in their pursuit for class.
The ghost-like woman had probably bought a cheap makeup or she had bought the proper one but did not know how to use it.
The incongruence between her skin and the makeup was shocking.
Something that was supposed to make her look elegant actually made her look creepy. What made it worse was the awful weave perched in her head.
It was just a sorry sight.
To her credit, the woman didn’t seem to care. Even when some kids started screaming she kept her cool.
That was either because she knew she looked appalling and had no reason to worry any more or she didn’t know that she looked horrible.
If only she knew how many sleepless nights she has caused poor Scrutator.
alking of gnashing of teeth, there was the preacher reading frantically from the Book of Luke Chapter 13 verse 28.
In the audience were two toothless old men, Thabo and Jimmy.
““There will be weeping there, and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but you yourselves thrown out,” the preacher said.
Thabo, winked at his friend Jimmy and with a naughty grin, said: “They are thaulking about theeth and we don’t have any. Jimmy, leth go, ith doesn’t concern us”.