CRUTATOR did not know whether to cry or laugh when she heard the authorities explaining how murder suspect, Lehlohonolo Joseph Scott, escaped from Maseru Central Prison.
We are told Scott smeared himself with Vaseline and then squeezed through a small hole to escape from the country’s biggest jail.
He is said to have scaled the fence and disappeared.
And he even had the time to fold his clothes and write two letters to prison officers before he left.
He didn’t say “by the time you read this I will be enjoying coffee in Mzanzi” but he wrote something close to that.
“Give my clothes to my brother,” he wrote before he slithered out of jail.
We are told prison officers only discovered his escape on Sunday morning.
Those who have cooked up this explanation must think we are either dull, silly or both.
So ludicrous is the explanation that if you tell it to crèche kids they will laugh you out of their playground.
They will laugh at you like you have let rip a thunderous sound from your pants.
Even Ben 10, the cartoon hero who kids love to bits, is not capable of what Scott is said to have done.
The authorities are saying after Scott smeared himself with Vaseline he shrunk to the size of a tiny babie doll so he could fit between burglar bars just centimetres apart.
Scrutator will soon be informing the manufacturers of vaseline that they are sitting on a goldmine.
For decades they have been selling vaseline as a skin care product when it has the power to make people shrink.
They must now sell it as a weight-loss product.
Why the hell do we need gyms when all it takes for one to lose weight is Vaseline?
Who is talking about Herbal Life, dieting, Lehakoe and fat-free foods?
My foot! There is Vaseline.
But seriously, Scrutator smells a rat here.
There are many questions that remain unanswered.
The authorities had better start looking for proper answers to those questions before they bring us some more “Ben and Betty stories” about how Scott escaped.
Until they have a credible explanation they must tell their bizarre stories to the mountain.
ut if you think the authorities are selling us a bill of goods then wait until you hear stories doing the rounds in the villages about Scott.
Hours after his vanishing act Maseru was abuzz with stories of how he appeared in church on Sunday and presented his gift before the congregation.
There have been other tales of how he was appearing to some villages, only to disappear into thin air, a few minutes later.
Based on the stories doing the rounds, Scott appears to have assumed “magical powers” to appear, and disappear, Jesus’ style.
He now appears to have been elevated to the level of a legend, with messianic, magical powers.
The truth is that all those stories are tosh.
They are creations of rumour mongers in Maseru doing what they do best — gossiping.
The guy is just a murder suspect who has just become a fugitive.
If you see the bugger just call the police and he will be caught like a rat.
He has no mystical powers.
Those with mystical powers don’t stay in remand prison for months before they escape.
In fact, those with mystical powers never get caught by the police in the first place.
If he had magical powers then how come he spent months battling to persuade the court to grant him bail?
If he is such a big ngaka then why did the judges refuse to grant him bail?
Give me a break.
The guy escaped from prison because someone there is either corrupt or incompetent.
Short of “greasing” his way out there was simply no way Scott could have escaped that easily.
If prison warders cannot keep high profile suspects like Scott under lock and key, then who else can they keep?
Maybe if they didn’t spend so much time at that dingy club prisoners wouldn’t walk out of their cells like they are walking out of a pit latrine.
t is finally clear that the brouhaha in the LCD is all about government jobs.
The youths and those failed MPs want a piece of the cake too.
They are tired of watching from the sidelines while other party functionaries sneak into government jobs through the back door.
You would think that after 15 years in government the LCD would know how to deal with such a problem but it doesn’t.
That the LCD leaders are green horns when it comes to dealing with a crisis of expectations became clear during a press conference last week.
The LCD leaders said government jobs had to be shared proportionally amongst the three parties in the threesome government.
The LCD, they said, has to stick to its share of jobs in government.
That was an honest and revealing explanation.
Yet we must not lose sight of the fact that it was a silly answer.
You see, the explanation is based on voodoo reasoning that once a party gets into power it has to parcel out government jobs to its supporters.
This voodoo reasoning has already inflicted the parties in the polygamous government.
Little wonder they have already divided government jobs amongst themselves.
It is both nonsensical and dangerous.
It is based on a limited appreciation of the real reason we have a government in the first place.
A government has no business dishing out jobs to party supporters.
Any party that gets elected on the promises of dishing out government jobs to the youths is doomed to fail.
The simple reason for this is that there will always be more supporters than government jobs.
No government in this world has ever significantly reduced unemployment by parcelling out jobs in the civil service.
In fact, the trend the world over is that governments are actually retrenching to cut their wage bills.
Why should this government be compelled to create more jobs in the civil service as if it’s making a profit?
The government makes no money because it produces nothing for sale.
Without taxes this government will be as broke as Job and as miserable as Lazarus (I mean Lazarus the beggar not Jesus’ friend).
In fact, this government is already broke even with the taxes it collects every day.
Every party functionary it employs only adds more burden to its treasury which everyone knows is almost empty.
his government must actually be retrenching instead of hiring.
Yes, you heard me right, this government is already stuffed with deadwood and good-for-nothing civil servants who are paid simply because they occupy a chair in the office.
It is precisely because of this business of handing jobs to people according to party affiliation that we have so much ineptness in government.
No institution in this country is as inefficient as the government.
The beneficiaries of this cronyism don’t think they are answerable to anyone but their parties.
They can doze off at work because they came in via the political ticket.
They owe their allegiances to the party, not the people of Lesotho who own the government.
The coalition parties must be reminded pronto that this is not their government.
This government does not belong to the LCD, BNP and ABC.
It’s a government of Basotho run by three parties.
Running something does not mean owning it.
Every citizen of this country has a stake in the government regardless of the party they support.
Even donkeys, monkeys, goats, chickens, birds and maggots in this country have a stake in this government.
If the idea is to employ more people in the government then it must be done on merit, not who sang the loudest at rallies.
he responsibility of a government is not to create jobs within its structures but to create an environment where the economy is able to create jobs.
The coalition government must be working to attract investors who create employment opportunities instead of establishing job quotas for party members.
It must be helping young people start their own companies.
While at it, the parties in the coalition must remind their supporters that the government does not owe them a living.
Party members who have gone to school must compete for the few government jobs like everyone else.
Those who are not qualified must go back to school before they start screaming for government jobs.
Scrutator thought the days when party membership cards were equivalent to degrees had gone to Qacha with Mosisili.
Indeed, some things never change.
id you hear this one?
A truck driver has just delivered medicines to Mohlomi Psychiatric Hospital.
As he leaves the gate he realises his tyre has a puncture and sits to replace it.
But just as he is about to replace the tyre the nuts roll into a drainage nearby and disappear.
The man curses.
And he starts thinking of how he is going to get back to the office on three tyres.
Just as he is about to phone his manager for assistance a patient approaches him.
“What is the problem?,” the patient asks the distraught driver.
“I don’t know what to do. I can’t put a new tyre because all my nuts fell into the drainage,” the driver replies.
The patient looks at the driver for a moment, smiles and then says “So you have run out our ideas neh”.
“Yes,” the driver says, feeling somewhat insulted by the mental patient’s seemingly silly question.
“Listen, take one nut each from the other three wheels, use them to fasten this one and drive to the nearest garage to buy those four nuts you lost,” the patient says.
“Ah,” says the driver, “that’s a brilliant idea. But how did you think of such a fantastic idea when you are a patient at a mental hospital”.
The patient looks at the driver with disdain.
Then he says: “Ah Ntate, I am mad but certainly not stupid like you.”
The lesson: Never undermine other people.