A pill to cure stupidity

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I HEARD that Viagra is the miracle drug of the 21st century, or is it?

Anyway, the little I know about this miracle “blue pill” (is it really blue or ke ea itlama) is that it is the next best thing since electricity; this thing is at par (they say) with Mr Einstein’s famous equation E=mc.

I hear that it has done wonders for the old, and also for those who had given up bedroom hope; they are thinking of equating it to manna!

It is the saviour; it is the answer! Well, do not try to chew me out, that is what I heard and so do not go around thinking I am the spokesperson or something like that!

This drug has made some former playboys, now “playgranpas”, maintain their popularity!

I can hazard a guess that they have been able to keep their game up and impress the hordes of bunnies that are already flocking around them because of their wallets!

I can even put up my last cent (which I am at this point in my life) that this pill has saved many a marriage and relationships!

Check this out, for the career-men out there who have found themselves working late and getting all kinds of stress (we all know what stress does); they popped this pill and Voila!

Bob’s your uncle! The wife is happy and satisfied! Kapa joang?

So now, imagine this, a Viagra equivalent for every other problem that causes “sagging” in society!

Think about it; pop a pill and get an instant hard solution!

Imagine if we had this kind of pill for racism; take the Apartheid era for instance!

What if it existed then and all those folks who segregated and degraded others could have had this drug and be blind to colour? Wouldn’t that just be awesome?

Recession hit the world a bit hard in the past few years, and there are countries that claim to be super powers of the world!

You know, those countries whose theme song seems to be Mrs Jigga’s new hit single, something about running the world!

What if the leaders and maybe citizens of these countries could take this pill to avoid making us poor countries suffer more than we already are?

Hey, do not ask me how exactly that would work, this is just a wild suggestion — blame it on my runaway imagination!

Of all that I have tried to list as ills that could do with a pill as a remedy, there is one major humongous social ill that really needs a miracle cure — stupidity!

(And since we all know there are different grades of stupidity; this time we would have to vary the dosage.) As Einstein said: “There are two things that are infinite, the universe and stupidity”.

Ooooeeee! This is a plea, from me, to our one and only national pharmaceutical manufacturer (and a challenge to those in the private sector) — please, I beseech you to get your scientists and researchers together, to come up with a pill which can be popped to cure stupidity; as it is widespread in our miniature country and it is taking over in leaps and bounds!

I hereby offer my full services to be the marketing guru for this product; which can change, not just our mountainous nation, but also the world!

Mr/Mrs CEO, this is part of my pitch and also here are a few scenarios where I propose how the product can be marketed and used!

Unlike other ailments whereby the (diseased) patient has to go to a professional to get diagnosed, then get medication for his individual use, prescribed by the said professional; our product can be dispensed by anyone and everyone!

Examples, mehlala — anyone who wants to play in the political arena must take this pill before even editing the first draft of their manifesto.

Any law enforcement officer or civil servant can take a monthly dose of our product to guarantee that their assistance to the consumers, customers and victims will flow seamlessly when providing services.

Can you imagine how our public transport system would be a breeze if our “sliding door operators” (and drivers) could get a daily dose of our miracle pill?

There will be less accidents and less traffic jams!

People would get to work in a proper mood, thus work would be done!

Any time a friend (even a total stranger) decides to make a fool of themselves you just offer them a pill to pop and you have avoided one of those really embarrassing situations which at times would end up with some silly bad-word slinging match or even a fist fight!

This pill guarantees less red faces — literally and figuratively!

The list is endless on situations where this pill would and could work!

The greatest thing about our product would be there are no prescription forms to be filled; and best of all it can be taken with any beverage!

It has no side effects and there can never be any cases of deaths or illnesses caused by overdose!

Actually, the more pills you take, the better your life and lives of those around you will be!

Our slogan (not set in stone though) can be — Pop a pill, become bright!

(Come on people, help me with slogans)

NB: I am still on the quest of making the world a better place, kapa joang?

 

Moleboheng Rampou is a freelance writer based in
Maseru

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