Good things do come to an end

6

MOST things end. That is a fact of life and of nature. What we have to do as human beings is accept this; pick up the pieces and move on.

A few weeks ago there were headlines of a man, Johan Kotze who arranged that his workers rape his wife.

His stepson was shot and killed by the said workers when he came in the room during the rape.

According to reports the man did this because he wanted to exert his revenge on his wife as she was in the process of divorcing him.

Ok, there are different versions of how this crime was perpetrated; and that is not what we are discussing today.

As appalling as this may sound, it is a typical example of someone who refused to accept the fact that his marriage had reached an end; and took a very sadistic decision to violate and humiliate his spouse just because she wanted to leave him.

This is not an isolated incident.

just about every week there are headlines in the newspapers and on the TV about partners going berserk when the other takes the decision to close the chapter
called their relationship.

This does not just happen in faraway lands, it is not only in newspapers or news bulletins.

I am sure an incident or two sprung to mind when you started reading.

This is worrying on so many levels. First, I would like to understand how this man was able to force three (or whatever number) grown men to rape a woman.

And please do not tell me they feared for their lives because that would be a very pathetic excuse.

I have so many reasons on why they did it, but some are so controversial that I will not go into them.

However, that is not the basis of my writing today. I tried to use the search engine to find out the psychological term for people whose reactions are extreme and even violent when their relationships (of any calibre) end, I could not find it, but I am sure it does exist.

The basic thing we must agree on though is, yes they do have some sort of mental problem. It can be pre-existing or is triggered by the incident.

There are widespread reports of spousal homicides and it seems the number is growing.

There are even still more reports on events whereby people have suffered somehow because one tried to dump their partner!

What causes this?

Someone I asked is of the opinion that maybe it has to do with obsession.

As much as I may agree a bit with that explanation I want to stick to my guns that it is must somehow be linked to a psychological/mental problem.

Also, it is a fact that such occurrences are not just centred around intimate relationships.

Even friends have been known to lose their senses when the friendship reaches its sell-by-date.

Business partners have gone berserk when a business relationship ended.

Reactions seem to vary from the most brutal and callous to the most lame and petty.

The major factor in these seems to be the refusal to accept the situation, to accept that this person does not want to be associated with you in any terms whatsoever; to accept that most things at one point or the other come to an end — must end.

I know it may be hard to believe that even friends can react badly when a friendship comes to an end.

I have had the bitter experience of someone trying to ruin my reputation with very harsh untrue stories about me and my family just because our friendship came to an end. And I was lucky, because I read somewhere that a guy maimed his “platonic” female friend because she was moving to another country to start a new life, with a new job, a new man, and most probably a new set of friends.

When asked why — the perpetrator replied that it felt like she was abandoning him, leaving him, ending their friendship, and that was the only way he could think of making her stay!

He went further to state that he had no romantic feelings for the victim, but said he felt an attachment; which he considered was being severed by the move.

We know about these occurrences and maybe a few more because they were reported and maybe justice gets to be served.

But one cannot help but wonder how many people have gotten away with it.

How many victims are there out there, with serious physical, mental and psychological scars?

How many stories are out there, that are so absurd that they could be thought to be old wives tales? There are many questions; very few answers.

Basotho have a saying “se sa feleng se ea hlola”.

Just about everything comes to an end at one point or the other, we all must accept that. Should you have issues of any sort when this happens, seek help, be it professional or a friendly ear and shoulder — just find a way to deal with it!

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