I’ve counted sheep, still I can’t sleep

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STEAMING IT OFF

 

I HAVE been having trouble sleeping. Serious trouble!

This problem is not necessarily a new thing or even a phenomenon as I know I am not the only one.

My problem comes and goes, but there are people out there who cannot simply close their eyes and fall into a blissful slumber.

It is somehow too complicated for some of our simple minds.

There are some special cases out there — websites and helplines have been sorely dedicated to this monster.

When you cannot sleep, most people — the unaffected — think there is something bothering you.

Oh well, yes, maybe there is, but sometimes there is absolutely nothing.

We have all been told that the human mind is a complex “thing” that encompasses the human psyche.

Basically it may as well be the engine, though there are serious arguments about what comes first between it and the brain. 

Just like the age-old mindboggling question of the chicken and the egg!

There are so many remedies and cures being sold and perpetrated as the true salvation to this affliction that even the factual and actual ones have just gone and drowned in that cesspool.

Every other time I complain that I cannot sleep the first thing I hear is “drink warm milk”.

What?

I do not own a cow that will provide me with milk to warm me every time my brain refuses to shut down and sleep as other brains do when nature calls!

I have a good friend who happened to mention that for her it is futile to count sheep — as a counter-measure to sleeplessness — as she starts fantasising about lamb chops, mutton stew and the likes, making her hungry.

This in turn makes her more awake than before.

Bona, counting sheep is not really that weird — just a bit not what I assume any of our ancestors ever tried during those tougher times they lived in.

Then there is the warm milk trick!

We are told to take a warm glass of milk to bed so that maybe it will make you all fuzzy-woozy inside and then just drives you to sleep.

This is not the worst trick  I say, because it may even have some scientific back-up (in my head maybe).

Picture this: a tired, cranky baby crying as loud as his lungs can allow . . . when his mother shoves the beautiful mammalian tap in his mouth the baby snuggles up and may just drift off to a peaceful slumber.

So, yes, the warm milk may work.

But then, you are not wearing a diaper, meaning when  mother nature calls, you get off the bed and  go relieve yourself which will most definitely clear up the little pieces of sleep you could snatch.

Or maybe, if you think you can, or try bear the torture, you hold it in, more because you try to hold on to the fact that you do not want to be known as  “the sprinkler”.

Some people pray; they recite those really long prayers that drone on and simply lull you to sleep.

This may be an adventurous approach to religious insomniacs, as they find themselves killing two birds with one stone.

Kapa joang?

A sensual massage may do the trick, but this poses so many questions that you may find yourself with more sleepless nights should the sensuality be misinterpreted by either you or the person giving it.

Which takes me to the nest best idea of DIY — no third party!

Really, believe me, no hassles, no fees — just you, your hands and however many names you may come up with!

But really, to tell the truth, the best way to try to fall asleep is freeing your mind of all the mindless gibberish you may come across during the day or week (or even your life) and just let mother nature take you away to that fluffy place full of rest and peace.

One of the worst things you may do is try to drink yourself into a stupor and hoping to wake up the next day!

That is one wrong idea – because you might wake up cranky with all muscles aching, which when you look at may as well defeat the purpose.

I think we should all list and publish the remedies that we have tried, tested and vouch for, and distribute the list, as crazy and bizarre as they may come.

There are many poor souls who still have no clue how to combat this monster and may try some really dangerous cures that may not work and even end up aggravating the situation.

On that note, please good people, help a sister out!

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