JZ’s country of pretenders

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INDEED, South Africans have really shown the world who they really are.

Forget about a beautiful World Cup.

Forget about confounding pessimists.

Forget about a united nation.

They are, to put it simply, charlatans!

And Scrutator wants to say this straight in the face of JZ when he visits Maseru next month.

Our neighbours never cease to amaze me. During the month-long football World Cup extravaganza that ended with Spain lifting the trophy on Sunday, South Africans successfully pretended they were united.

Black, white, pink, blue and green South Africans all rallied behind one cause: proving to all and sundry that they were capable of hosting a world-class tournament.

But they proved to be world-class pretenders as well.

They pretended the poverty bedevelling the country’s majority was exaggerated.

That’s why the Gautrain would whisk World Cup visitors from OR Tambo International Airport to the swanky Sandton without them seeing the shacks that thousands of South Africans call home.

They pretended the alarming crime levels synonymous with South Africa were malicious creations of the media bent on tarnishing the country’s black leadership.

And the media were duty-bound, during the World Cup, to gloss over the ills that define South Africa.

Of course, who would want to be seen as unpatriotic?

But as soon as the World Cup ended, it’s back to the South Africa we know: a country of Africans who hate, loathe and abhor other Africans.

In short, xenophobia is back big time!

Typical of South Africans, some politicians are already pretending the threat of xenophobic attacks is not that serious.

“They are isolated incidents,” one politician said in reference to attacks on foreigners staying in South Africa.

So does Mr JZ’s government want to see a roasted black human being from another country for them to take action?

Curiously, the South African police could take care of over 60 000 fans at a football stadium but can’t contain dozens of impoverished people who believe they will suddenly become rich by chasing away foreigners.

With neighbours like these, who needs enemies? What all South Africans need is education.

If I were Zuma I would whip all South Africans back to school because a nation of ignoramuses is a danger to itself.

Where else in this world do you have people destroying roads because the government has not built more roads?

But then, who can blame them?

Which other president in this world prides himself as being “self taught”?

For the past three weeks Scrutator has been trying to hunt down some MPs to ask them tough questions about service delivery in their constituencies.

She was particularly looking for that garrulous MP called Freddy Shea.

Scrutator was eager to find out if Shea and all the others in parliament don’t feel embarrassed to receive salaries every month when their constituencies remain shockingly underdeveloped.

Imagine her horror, then, when she learnt that while we are all braving the chilly mornings to go to work our MPs remain snuggled in their warm beds because they are on a three-month winter break.

For what reasons do the country’s most indolent workers need a three-month leave?

Our MPs are probably the most underutilised workers in this country yet they have the nerve to rest for three months every year.

One cannot help but notice the irony of it all.

Our MPs do the least work in this country but they want the longest rest — and in winter for that matter!

Even Scrutator’s biggest fan, Size Two, does not take such a long rest despite the fact that he is the PM and defence minister.

He is there in his office toiling every month like all of us.

But our slothful MPs are not interested in rigorous engagements.

One would understand if they used this break to think up new strategies to tackle our problems but these MPs just sleep.

Instead people like Shea use their time to “regain” their voices that would have gone hoarse from shouting twaddle at other MPs.

They use the time to look for dirty jokes to crack in the house.

They look for new opponents to hurl mud at.

They use the break to rest jaws which are always overworked because they have to shout insults at others.

They also use the break to research on how other MPs in the region are making money.

So why is Shea being used as an example?

Well, apart from the fact that he is a legendary motormouth, Scrutator hasn’t forgiven him for trying to kick a reporter out of parliament for merely mentioning that MPs were going to get part of their gratuities early.

He went ballistic after this country’s only Sunday newspaper revealed that MPs were going to get a hefty payout.

For months Scrutator has watched in sheer amazement politicians who feign disinterest in the Number One job but in the dead of night plot and scheme to achieve their goals.

They want to lie to us that they are not interested in the top job only for them to plot how to “eliminate” each other from the race for supremacy.

I am therefore not surprised to hear there is fierce jostling among party heavyweights to position themselves for a strike at the country’s top job.

But these are the very people who are first to publicly pledge allegiance to “the leader” and pretend that they are content with the ministerial positions they hold.

What hogwash!

In reality though, these politicians are behaving like witches – lurking at the door in an effort to stampede their leader out of office.

And we know how witches are dealt with in our communities.

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