SCRUTATOR seldom reads the rotund one’s tortuous instalments in a local tabloid, but last week something disgraceful caught my eye.
I was shocked to note that the pseudo-columnist — who wants every Thabo, Thabang and Tsosa to take him as a serious economic analyst — was now in the shameful habit of pinching space in the paper to promote his business interests.
The well-fed scribbler once formed a battalion with his misguided young brother of the airwaves to lecture ethics to this paper.
He was angry that this paper had exposed the nefarious activities at the struggling radio station.
Little did Scrutator know that the “author” needed a lesson on journalism ethics himself!
Just check out his flattering piece last week on the outlet that sells fattening food.
The last time Scrutator checked, our wannabe analyst had links to that business.
Could this explain why he was writing so glowingly about that junk food retailer?
And he did not even bother to declare his interests or put a disclaimer.
Mr Publisher, there is a godsend to boost your ever-dwindling coffers.
Make him pay at the normal ad rates, or better still withhold his precious cheque for this month until he apologises to readers.
While I’m still at it, I wonder why our business news guru did not say a word about the poor service and overworked ladies at the greasy food outlet.
As for customer care, Scrutator stumbled into a serious complaint laid against the city outlet.
A woman was told that she could not buy ice cream because she was pregnant.
“The cashier rang four ice creams after I had told her to ring five. She told me that she didn’t sell ice cream to pregnant women,” complained the customer.
“I received bad service as she was not friendly. She told me to go to another till.
“When I got to the other till the cashier told me to start the queue from the back. I then explained that the other cashier said I should go to her till.”
She said the cashier had told her that no matter how hard she cried no one was going to sell her the ice cream.
So much for franchising — Kentucky Fried Cashiers!
Once upon a time there lived a man who borrowed from friends but made it a point never to pay back.
When times were hard he would go down on his knees to his friends and neighbours with a begging bowl.
He would pester them until they relented.
Well, this is not really a fable.
It is real.
I was reminded of this tale by last week’s story in that tabloid which alleged that some two gentlemen had borrowed money which they never bothered to return.
They were alleged to have borrowed the money from the Media Institute of Southern Africa.
“They owe, they owe!” screamed the unimaginative caption.
The English say those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
What the proverb means is that those who are vulnerable should not attack others.
Some things are better left unsaid, ntate!
If English proverbs are too foreign, let me leave you with this African proverb which I hope you are familiar with: “One camel does not make fun of the other camel’s hump.”
Or you might have heard about the kettle calling the pot black.
Some gentleman must start paying his debts before I get deeper on this next week.
Take this as the first letter of demand.
Frankly speaking, I have always wondered why a certain reporter at that free pamphlet writes so badly until someone told me the secret to her mediocrity.
The greenhorn, who is growing a long tail because of her unmitigated pride, is notorious for imbibing the merry waters like there is no tomorrow.
It was not long ago when she got drunk stupid and made a complete fool of herself.
But the police were at hand to beat her back to her senses.
The police were right to spank the little rascal.
Here was a cub journalist who had gone to cover a health event in a foreign country but she was drinking herself senseless.
After I saw her stories last week I realised that either she was probably still scratching her bottoms from the spanking or maybe struggling to overcome the free-beer hangover.
“He said the bilateral relations and cooperation will flourish further to newer apex of greatness in the future,” she wrote in one of her sobering pieces.
Please, drink moderately before you pen something scatological.
And remember Scrutator is watching your every step.
How many of us remember those coal-powered trains that used to emit so much pollution just to move a few inches?
I am reminded of the locomotive every time I open the sports pages of a local weekly.
It is a lokomotive indeed!
“When one passes by our only national stadium, Setsoto, in a taxi, either from home to work or vice-versa, there is the possibility that someone will utter something like, “what is really going on, here?”
This is just another clumsy effort if not grammatical pollution.
Talk about thinking in the vernacular and writing in English!
Congratulations to Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma for once again showering away serious fraud allegations.
The showerman was this week jubilant even though it was as clear as the sun on a sunny day that he escaped through a technicality.
Scrutator is not a legal expert but she believes the NPA was way off-side this week.
But who am I to pass judgment.
Now that JZ is certain to be South Africa’s next president, I want to know how he will manage his “home affairs” and still get enough time to run the country.
The populist man has four wives.
Of course other unofficial ones we have not heard about yet.
Look, he is very busy already before he even steps into office.
South Africa does not need a constantly tired leader unless my sisters’ conjugal rights will have to suffer
One last thing: does he have to kiss all of them good-bye before leaving for work?