No food for the lazy legislator

7

WHAT do you call an indolent person — mostly with a loud mouth, rotund cheeks or a potbelly — who shamelessly “chows” taxpayers’ money for doing absolutely nothing?

MP!

Scrutator would have offered an early Christmas present if the answer wasn’t so obvious.

Yes, some of these people we call legislators have no shame indeed.

First they hoodwink people into believing they have their interests at heart.

They even promise to build bridges where there are no rivers and to bring rain for farmers in arid areas.

All for the people’s precious votes!

But when they get to the august House all they do is sleep and snore.

Is that a lie MP Shea?

The only time they can be said to be “working” they are either behaving like unruly school kids or rubberstamping Bills they have no clue about.

And for all that industry — which in essence is supposed to be selfless and voluntary service — they get fat pay cheques!

That’s on top of numerous allowances as well as generous loans and gratuities they have lined up for themselves as privileges for being MPs.

My big eyes almost popped out of their sockets last week when I heard this lot’s latest looting ploy.

Our parliament has passed a motion to help former MPs supposedly living in destitution to earn some income by providing “special expert advice” to the National Assembly.

Was I surprised that the façade was moved by the ABC’s Motumi Ralejoe who is sweating over his Lithabaneng constituency seat come 2012?

Now he wants already overburdened taxpayers to cushion him from poverty after he is rejected by voters.

How clever!

The intention has nothing to do with tapping into former MPs’ “knowledge and experience in matters of law, legislation and governance, international relations and to impart their knowledge to future generations of this country”.

That’s precisely because any MP with something between his or her ears is unlikely to lose his or her seat.

The clever ones buy enough shoes and clothes for the bad years when they no longer have access to public funds.

And they invest some of their monies in case of the rainy day.

In any case, if MPs do what they are supposedly elected to do they will not be ashamed to resume their lives as ordinary citizens once they lose their parliamentary seats.

And there is nothing shameful for them to look for jobs elsewhere.

Scrutator reckons those former MPs who are currently living like destitutes are already making a very big contribution to society.

They are living examples that when you eat your maloti sooner than they are printed by Moeketsi Senaoana you will live like a pauper when you are jobless.

They are living proof that the mighty can also fall with a thud.

Those former MPs must not be helped out of poverty even when their shoes are so tattered that they look like they are about to eat the earth on which they walk.

Not even when their shoes are winking or smiling at them.

Never!

Broke MPs provide more fundamental lessons to the community when they are paupers than when they are in parliament.

Otherwise where else will our children learn that pomposity, profligacy and plunder are not virtues?

If parents want to teach their children that only success grounded in education is sustainable they point to the broke former MP in the village as an example.

When they want to teach them that a “fool and his money” normally part ways quickly they point to the struggling former MP next door.

When they want to illustrate that when fortune knocks one must not forget their roots they just point to the former MP who used to treat his people like the “great unwashed” but is now dabbling in their hopose because hard times have hit him.

It’s counterproductive and reckless to help out destitute former MPs.

*****

Even hell knows no fury like that of a man told the truth.

The truth hurts.

Scrutator triggered rabid vitriol when she said this country was a de facto province of South Africa.

For merely pointing out the obvious she was labelled a myopic and arrogant columnist with Zimbabwean blood following in her veins.

While it is true that Scrutator is arrogant the allegations that she is myopic and a Zimbabwean are pathetic lies spread by demagogues bereft of ideas.

The truth is that Scrutator is arrogant and she doesn’t give a hoot. That’s a fact.

The rest are malicious lies. 

This week I will focus on NUL, that silly excuse of a university that has been churning out half-baked zealots for the past few years.

The NUL of recent years is pathetic.

It is a glorified high school masquerading as an institute of higher learning.

I beg your pardon for that exaggeration. 

I meant to say NUL is a glorified rural secondary school.

There is no other university in this world where lecturers and researchers strike for basics like laptops, internet and chalk! 

Internet! Laptops! Chalk!

Holy crap!

This is probably the only university (Oops, sorry, I meant to say rural secondary school) in the world that has consistently refused to accept that ICTs are vital tools for learning and research.

Those proud NUL alumni who doubt that the institution has gone to the dogs must take time to visit the university.

Enter a lecture room on a busy day and you find students taking notes while standing or leaning against the wall.

The library, Scrutator is told, is decades behind the academic world.

Virtually no research happens at that school.

Important books in the law section are shells because some silly law students have a habit of harvesting crucial chapters.

The library itself is so small that during exams students have to book a seat on the floor.

The kitchen makes stinking food that students say is not even fit for pigs.

Lecturers can’t print course outlines for students because the management does not know that it’s important for a university to have paper and cartridges.

They don’t even know that even though students are normally hungry they too go to the toilet and they need toilet paper.

Power cuts on the campus are so common that students now report to the management every time they have electricity.

Water on the campus is so scarce that most students now consider it a taboo to bath.

If students want to access the internet they have to book six months in advance for a two-hour session.

Students are mugged by criminals on the campus because the college authorities cannot provide security.

Surely to describe NUL as a glorified rural secondary school is a compliment.

*****

Belief in witchcraft is as old as the Bible itself.

Somewhere in the pages of the Holy Book, we read of King Saul visiting a witch in Endor.

The ‘big book’ indirectly confirms that the art or science of witchcraft exists.

But the tales about the supposed powers of such witches are often spiced up.

We hear stories that witches fly at night in a basket, naked.

We also hear that their favourite rendezvous is the graveyard, where they meet to plot the downfall of their next victim.

But honestly I have never taken these stories seriously.

Only a madman will believe such crap.

I lump such crazy beliefs with those claims by you-know-who, who claim to bring back your lost lover in 30 minutes or enlarge the male organ or other such nonsense.

But the problem is we are genetically wired to sometimes believe our own nonsense.

What else can I say when a whole tribe in Qoaling gangs up against a 64-year-old woman for allegedly bewitching their daughter — in this day and age!

The grandmother was accused of sending a thokolosi to bewitch the daughter causing her not to conceive.

The unlucky granny was clobbered to a pulp.

She said she was lucky to be alive, according to media reports.

When a family — husband, daughter, mother-in-law and their dogs — all believe their own nonsense and gang up against an old woman, you know we have a serious crisis.

By the way why are all supposed witches women?

The attack on the women was met with deafening silence from women’s rights groups.

Where are the women?

*****

F

inally, you might have noticed that Scrutator’s instalment this week is longer than usual.

Well don’t be surprised, that’s because Scrutator is in love these days and she is happy.

Also her boyfriend is behaving like he is going to propose soon.

Watch this space for more details.

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