What does Tlali Kennedy Kamoli think he is doing? Why is he wasting everyone’s time by applying for bail? Does he honestly think that there is any decent judge out there who will ever consider granting bail given the charges he face? How do his “lawyers” even think the issue of bail for Kamoli arises? I will come back to this issue later.
For now, let me announce to the Basotho nation that I decided to flee the beautiful Kingdom this week after receiving serious death threats? I received an alert of a hit list currently doing the rounds. There is a belief that the hit list emanated from a cell at Maseru Maximum Prison at where my arch enemy is a guest. Is this a mere coincidence?
Apparently, Kamoli has been having plenty of time at his disposal at Maseru Maximum Should Scrutator therefore offer any prizes for guessing who might be behind this hit list which has caused me to flee? I surely don’t think so.
This latest hit list is fundamentally different from the “hit-lists” claimed by bontate Metsing, Mokhothu and Mokhosi in that I don’t feature at all on their “hit lists”. Why should I anyway when I have the esteemed honour of topping my own hit list.
I am deputised on my list by government leaders. This explains why this is a better and most credible hit list than Metsing’s list. Just imagine the three most important individuals in Lesotho, after His Majesty of course, appearing on one list. Rumour has it that after its compilation, the latest hit list was dispatched to Qacha were it was endorsed by Mr Pink – Pakalitha – Panther. That scared the hell out of me leaving me with no option but to flee.
After being sent a copy of the hit list, I saw two Bentleys parked near my house with Texan number plates. In one Bentley, there was a large woman with visible hair on her chest. In another Bentley, there were two bouncers resplendent with tattoos of snakes and dragons on their biceps. When I looked at them, the woman left her Bentley and jumped straight into the other Bentley – wherein the two bouncers sat – and they all started exchanging passionate kisses. Faced with this real credible threat, I saw no option but to flee.
Apart from the Bentleys, my neighbour’s black dog has been barking at me incessantly. Two black cats from another neighbour have also taken refuge on my veranda and they are refusing to be evicted. I am thinking that if they can’t get me via their routine, tried and tested methods, they will probably try the dark arts.
The reason why I am topping the hit list is obvious to all and sundry. Apparently, I am being single-handedly credited with Ntate Motsoahae’s crushing victory in the constituencies on June 3 and the complete destruction of Mr Pink Panther. I don’t know whether Ntate Motsoahae will also flee. I don’t know if Ntate Mokola will also flee? But I decided to flee on Tuesday. So Yours Truly is writing this instalment from the comfort of the Hilton Hotel in Sandton. I am in room 435 in particular. All my expenses are paid for by an NGO. Exile is so nice that I now fully understand why boNtate Metsing, Mokhothu and Mokhosi decided to flee and why many others are fleeing over their vacuous claims of “hit lists”.
Upon arrival in Johannesburg, there are many numbers of NGOs that believe this crap of hit lists (please note again that the hit list topped by lady Scrutator is the only legitimate one). The NGOs immediately bankroll all expenses, for anyone fleeing from a “hit list” and put you in a place of comfort. You won’t believe it but boNtate Metsing, Mokhothu and Mokhosi are staying at the adjacent plump Maslow Hotel in rooms 208, 302 and 405 respectively. They are effectively my neighbours as the Hilton is just a block away from the Maslow. I am informed that Ntate Metsing was lavished with a larger suite and is enjoying a life that he could never have afforded from both his paltry salary as DPM and from those cash deposits from that bogus contractor he lavished with generous road construction contracts.
So nice is it here that I am informed that one of the radio personalities is contemplating manufacturing his hit list so he can join his close friend at the Maslow.
Rumour has it that Ntakuona Ngatane, has also fled. But frankly, I haven’t seen her here. I don’t know why she would flee?
As for me, please don’t stress. I will not be away from Lesotho indefinitely. I have decided I will only flee for one week despite all the credible threats against my life and person. I will be back next Tuesday. Please come and welcome me at Moshoeshoe 1. I cannot give my enemies the comfort of forcing me out of the pretty Kingdom? I will never be cowed. If they kill me, I “doesn’t care”. My ghost will haunt them. Maseru Central will have more guests? I will never, ever cede any ground to my enemies. So to all you my fans, I will be back next week.
Back to the subject of Kamoli’s bid for bail? Apparently, Kamoli would like to have us believe that he is a good candidate for bail because he has been “cooperating” with the police. He argues that when he was called for interrogation, he duly obliged. What utter gibberish? Kamoli has no choice but to cooperate with the police. His crimes are so obvious and glaring that he has nowhere to hide. He has no option but to cooperate. It is a waste of time and resources for Kamoli to even attempt to flee as he would be easiest to extradite. In addition no country would ever want to host him. Hiding in a rat infested hole, just like Saddam Hussein, is not even an option. The rats will reject and eject him from their hole. No one wants him.
So the only option is to cooperate and face the music. His lack of options does not qualify him for bail either. Where in this world have you ever seen a man facing multiple murder and attempted murder charges being lavished with bail? His cooperation with the police must only be considered in mitigation of sentence if he pleads guilty and avoids wasting time and resources on an arduous trial.
In any event, why have the LMPS and the DPP not preferred high treason, sabotage and subversion charges against Kamoli. These charges will automatically disqualify him from any bail applications.
Which judge do Kamoli’s “lawyers” think will ever entertain the very idea of bail for him? Why does he want to get bail instead of using all the time to get used to his new 2 x 2 home? Wither Kamoli, please don’t waste our time? Our judges have more pressing issues than your hollow bid for bail? What the hell were you thinking when you terrorised this country?