YOU would assume Mr Bumble, the sadist beadle in Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens, had Lesotho in mind when he remarked the law was an ass.
Far-fetched allusion, huh?
But what do you make of the incredible drama playing out in our courts?
A man steals and is caught but to try and avoid jail he proposes to return the loot.
And the prosecution seems to have bought his sweet proposal.
Now, isn’t the law an ass?
Scrutator has no doubt this is good news for all conmen out there: loot, hide and then repay the booty to avoid doing time.
She prays the debt-ridden barrister is keenly following the saga.
Yes, you can “loan” yourself someone’s money and offer to pay it back only when you are threatened with time in jail.
Crazy advice, huh?
Not if you have heard about the proposal made by the local businessman on trial for surreptitiously safekeeping proceeds from a filling station he co-owned with one unfortunate entrepreneur.
Can you imagine, after allegedly spiriting away M216 000 from their company, Mr Smart now wants to return the loot!
And only half of it, by the way, because in any case he and his partner were to share equally proceeds from their business.
Worse, Mr Smart wants to pay back in instalments of M10 000 a month – without any interest – until he has reimbursed the share he was keeping for his partner between 2006 and 2007.
In return for his “honesty”, he wants to be spared a jail term normally slapped on social misfits convicted of similar crimes.
Yet all along Scrutator thought when one commits a crime it is a crime against the state and not the victim.
If that’s true, it then means that Mr Smart cannot wish away the charges by repaying the loot.
If anything, such actions would only be seen as remorseful and can at best elicit leniency when sentence is passed.
There are many people who have gone to jail for simply attempting to steal or for trying to rape.
It’s the intention and action or lack of it which is criminal.
And what will Mr Smart’s co-accused from FNB repay for them to avoid jail?
Well absolutely nothing, because the law is an ass.
If any person supports this scam of a proposal then their brains are as minute as the full-stop at the end of this sentence.
Good news to all Lesotho footballers.
They can continue taking to the field high on matekoane and every intoxicating thing that you can imagine.
That’s because the Lesotho Football Association (Lefa), that silly excuse for a football governing body, has ditched plans to have all Premier League and first division players undergo compulsory medical and doping tests.
So what forced Lefa to abandon the noble plans?
“We were forced to suspend it because the teams made noise saying they were against this project,” said Dr Teboho Lekhanya, the chairperson of Lefa’s medical committee.
“So far we’ve decided to suspend this project indefinitely.”
Apparently these tests are free and Scrutator can’t just fathom what the hullabaloo from the teams is all about.
In fact he is still in shock after reading that comment.
Since when has Lefa started seeking approval from local clubs on policy matters dictated by Fifa?
And why does Lefa think that it’s justified to abandon such a noble initiative simply because some teams, the very target of anti-doping policy, have raised hell?
Because Lefa has baulked under pressure from these slapdash football clubs, spectators should not be surprised when they see players staggering into the playing field high on hopose.
Now instead of oranges, players can take a few puffs of matekoane during half-time.
Eish, this is promising to be one drama-filled season for football fanatics like Scrutator.
You can imagine a drunken Bantu FC player peeing on the corner flag.
Or a Matlama player, very high on glue, racing with the ball towards his gate and scoring a stupendous own-goal.
How about a Lioli keeper leaving his posts unmanned just to sniff the white stuff?
Local football matches are going to be fun to watch again.
Scrutator can’t wait to watch drunken referees calling goal kicks penalties and throw-ins corner kicks.
Coaches are also welcome to partake in this drug bingeing business because Lefa just doesn’t care.
Intoxicated coaches can now cause commotion if referees don’t allow them to make five substitutions in one match.
It’s a free-for-all.
Those farmers in Mapoteng, whose matekoane growing prowess is legendary, are also welcome to sponsor their own teams in the league.
But jokes aside, this is a serious issue.
By giving in to those selfish concerns from the teams, Lefa has clearly shown that it has neither the balls nor the spine to professionalise this boozers’ league of ours.
But Scrutator is not surprised a bit.
This is the same organisation that allowed itself to be run by Mokhosi Mohapi for two years.
(I have no words for that one. He cries showers every time I mention his name).
This is the same organisation that allows our league matches to be played on potato fields in this 21th century.
And they are the same people who pulled Likuena out of international competitions.
What did we do to deserve this curse?
Scrutator wishes to confess that since parliament closed for that unnecessary winter break she has been missing Rantelali Shea, that loose motor-mouth MP from the LWP.
Scrutator is told that Ntate Shea, that jukebox of the House, is back with a bang.
Once again he is waffling all the way to mediocrity.
Scrutator used to distaste Shea until she realised that people like him need to keep talking to maintain their sanity.
Shea must keep speaking so that his brains do not forsake his head.
The day he shuts up is the day he will run naked along Kingsway!
Keep waffling honourable.